I AM

I AM Savior, Redeemer, Friend, Merciful, Lord, Everlasting, Compassion, Righteous, Lion of Judah, Rose of Sharon, Anointed, Husband, Father, Strength, Peace, Judge, Love, Ruler, King of Kings, Joy, Gentleness, Ever Present, Provider, Healer, Giver, Future, Hope, Rest, Knowledge, Glorious, Faith, Laughter, Lamb, Holy, Forgiveness, Wisdom, Bread of Life, Son of Man, Great, Emmanuel, Awesome, Promise, Forevermore, Beginning, End, Risen

I like to do this every now and then in my journal to see what I come up with. Each time it changes. What is the great I AM to you?

Too Long

I have decided I am not a successful blogger. Life gets way too busy and then I forget that I haven't updated everyone on the things I have asked them to pray about. My earlier blogs were about the craziness with my ex-husband. He is still crazy but I am removing myself from the situation. I have made him contact me regarding visitation and such. I was doing way too much for him. So far he has held up his end and seen the children each week. We have also stopped discussing his marriage. Although I find myself daily praying for them to have a realization of Christ's saving power and grace. Never thought I would be praying for them but God is gracious to us all.

Thank you all so much for the prayers. It is amazing to me but every time I think I have "arrived" God shows me another area I need to work on. Money, family relationships, submitting to Him, etc. Each time the outcome is wonderful but the growing pains are just that pains. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

New Day

I can elaborate a little more about my earlier post. My ex-husband and his wife are having a baby. This is the wife that he divorced me to obtain. Needless to say this was a huge blow to me. Even though I know that I know I don't want him back I don't want there to be any ties to this new family such as a half-sibling to my children. Of course, him asking me to pray for him was a little over the top also. Sad to say he didn't want me to pray for the child, he wanted me to pray because he wants a divorce. My prayer was that God's will would be done and their hearts softened to Him.

This entire episode has opened my eyes to strongholds I had in my life. I have a really negative attitude of step-families. I realized that I let go of the man as my husband but I hadn't let go of my "family". In my mind we were still co-parents and his wife was a non-person. Unfortunately, this is not reality. God really used this experience to show my negative attitude about step-families, remarriage, half-siblings, etc. I am praying and trying to soften my heart to this issues. Jesus was part of a step-family, they can't all be bad.


So, does anyone have any tips, encouragements, wisdom in this area?

Last night the person that has hurt me most in this entire world called and wanted me to pray for him. He is going through a situtation that will ultimately effect my family. My flesh screamed out that he doesn't deserve my prayers, sympathy, encouragement, anything. The Spirit in me reminded me that I didn't deserve any of those things either. So even though my heart was breaking again for the hundreth time I asked how I could pray for him and offered truth. After our telephone conversation, of course emotionallly I lost it. I hate that I let my emotions get the best of me. I hate that I had to confess my sin because of my selfishness in this situtation. I want to pretend that nothing has ever changed and we are still a big happy family. This is not the case.
God's mercies are new in the morning and His hope refreshes us. I am clinging to this. Please God help me remember that You will be enough for our family, You have our best interest at heart.

A Day in the Life

Last night I come home to my sweet babies and chaos reigns. Before my sitter even has a chance to leave. Caitlin bites Gaven making him bleed. Of course, discipline insues and here I am holding both children who are crying hysterically. Funny part is they start crying and hugging each other because they are both crying. A long evening winds down and I am left going to bed, praying about whether I am being a good mother to these two blessings.

Fast forward to this morning. Gaven and I are watching "Life Today" on t.v. Each day they have a segment of trying to get people to sponsor wells in Africe. I have to admit that I usually change the station during this segment. It is usually too painful and depressing to watch. Today we watched. Gaven, who was eating a popsycle (yes, I know how bad this is but sometimes you just want to make it through the morning) commented on how those children didn't have any water. He kept saying, "Momma they can't have mud water, they need clean water." I suggested we pray for these children and he said the sweetest pray about giving these children clean water and not muddy water. It was at that moment that I thought, "Ok, Lord we are going to make it, they must be getting it."

Who do you talk to?

I started this blog just for myself. This is a place I can ramble on about who knows what. As a single mother I need a place to vent and I think my friends my be a little tired of me using them. :)

I have noticed something about myself. I tend to run to my friends and family before I run to God with a problem. Case in point, my sweet baby girl is struggling with her weight. She is underweight and is having test after test to determine the cause. Granted she looks like a healthy but very small little girl. As a mother, I tend to go between having ultimate faith in God and freaking out. All day Monday, I was telling my friends and family how I felt about this whole ordeal. Surprisingly, none of their answers could satisfy me. I didn't want to hear that she was just going to be small or that there could be something really wrong with her. It took all day for me to realize that I had done it again. I was trying to gain support from the wrong places. If I had first turned to God with my struggles and concerns then the words from my friends and family probably would have been a comfort and not an annoyance.

Does anyone else struggle with this??